Zen and the Art of Being Blunt

I sometimes believe that there are things, like being blunt, that are genetic.

I just don’t believe Alex can have such a great talent for being concise, direct, or blunt without some help from his DNA. It makes him, to pick a word, hilarious. To illustrate, I’ve outlined a few stories.
Alex and I are laying in bed. I’m begging him to fall asleep. To encourage this, I tell him to cuddle an imaginary version of my sister’s dog, Kramer.

Me: Alex, hold Kramer close. Snuggle him until he falls asleep. He needs you to be very quiet and still so he can fall asleep.
Alex: OK mom! You cuddle Kelso (their other dog).
Me: OK, sounds good. Good night.
[momentary silence]
[Alex shoots straight up in bed]
Alex: Oh no! Kramer’s gone! I lost him!
Me: Where did he go?
Alex: I put him in the garbage. He’s dead.
Me: ….7,8,9,10. Ready or not, here I come!
Me: Where’s Alex?
Alex: I’m under the blanket.
Me: Is he in the closet?
Alex: I’m under the blanket.
Me: Is he under the couch?
Alex: I’m UNDER the BLANKET!
Me: Is he behind the counter?
Me: Oh, there he is! He was under the blanket!
Alex: I wear underwear and mommy wears underwear and Evan wears diapers and daddy wears underwear and Nana wears underwear. Everyone wears underwear! But not Lauren and Jason. A dog stole theirs.
Me: Hey, Alex, do you have to go to the bathroom?
Alex: Hmmm, maybe tomorrow.
(Out of the clear blue sky)
Alex: Mommy, you’re my sweetheart
Alex: I peed.

13 Responses to Zen and the Art of Being Blunt
  1. Ali
    May 7, 2012 | 6:32 am

    I happen to have born with the gift of a blunt delivery myself. It gets me in a lot of trouble, but saves a lot of time.

  2. Alison@Mama Wants This
    May 7, 2012 | 7:24 am

    Hahahaha!!! I love Alex-isms.

  3. Bossy Betty
    May 7, 2012 | 9:07 am

    So funny! The boy has a talent!

  4. Julia
    May 7, 2012 | 2:12 pm

    Hahahaha. Love his mind. :)

  5. MiMi
    May 7, 2012 | 3:23 pm

    Bahahaha! I’m UNDER THE BLANKET!

  6. Ginny
    May 7, 2012 | 4:32 pm

    Lol! I almost missed, “I peed.”

  7. angela
    May 7, 2012 | 8:40 pm

    He cracks me up. And I wasn’t even there to actually hear these things.

  8. Eve
    May 8, 2012 | 7:45 am

    Haha! Clearly his DNA makes him super awesome. Obviously.

  9. Katie E
    May 8, 2012 | 7:47 am

    He IS hilarious. Kids can really crack me up.

  10. Jaclyn
    May 8, 2012 | 8:44 am

    Bahahaha! Love these!

  11. Ally
    May 8, 2012 | 9:09 am

    I love the bluntness of some children. So funny!

  12. julie gardner
    May 8, 2012 | 1:30 pm

    I just hope Alex wasn’t under the blanket when he peed.

    (Also, watch out for your underwear. I hear there’s a canine black market on the rise…)

  13. The Flying Chalupa
    May 9, 2012 | 8:42 am

    YES! Hide and go-seek is exactly like that at our house! Before you even start counting, Chalupa will tell you EXACTLY where he’ll be.

    Oh, Alex, such a big boy with your undies.

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