1. Do not let the toddler into their room
Not ever. The room will instantly be demolished. Toys will be everywhere. You will never keep up with the toy tornado. In fact, do not let the toddler anywhere in the house where there are toys.
2. Make the toddler wear mittens
Let’s face it, if you don’t, everything you own will be covered with tiny smudgy handprints and a smattering of a cheeto dust. And your toddler doesn’t even eat cheetos.
3. Stop eating
Eating is a major crime when it comes to trying to sell your house. Not only does it create horrible things like DISHES that you have to WASH, but it means you will have food in your house. Food the toddler can break. Food the toddler can pour onto the floor. Food that, heaven help you, means you will regularly have to clean the fridge.
4. Realize sleep is for the weak
If you sleep in those lovely, comfortable beds you own, it will actually make you less rested. For you will have to make those beds, while wrangling a crabby two year old and trying to get out of the house in time for work. This will happen every morning because you never know when there might be a showing. You NEVER KNOW. So it will be less stressful to just quit sleeping. Vampires have the right idea. It’s how they get so rich.
5. Leave the House
Realistically, in order to sell the house, you and the toddler need to leave as much as possible. This is counter intuitive since moving is expensive and you’d think you should be staying in to save money. Don’t. You will ruin the house you are trying to sell. Go to the library instead. In fact, just go ahead an move in to the library. It’s free and stocked with bedtime stories, even if there are no beds.