I’ve got weird food rules.
Now, now, I know what you’re thinking: KLZ? Weird? Impossible!
But it’s true. I’ve got weird food rules.
I don’t eat croutons.
I never, ever eat yellow, orange or brown M&Ms.
I don’t eat the cookie crusts (aka the hard outer edge)
I make tacos with ground turkey – no beef allowed
I don’t eat candy that is yellow. Period. And not for the reason you think.
But here’s a thing I can’t get behind: dressing on the side. I know there’s a ton of calories in salad and all. Specifically in that delicious dressing. However, salad greens are good for me. And you know how I’m going to get those greens into my body? With dressing on them.
Now, I’m not a fan of the “glop” of dressing that many restaurants offer. I want more greens than dressing. But I cannot, will not, order the dressing on the side, dip my fork into the dressing and then pierce some salad onto said fork. That, in my eyes, is an atrocity and a complete waste of my time. I would rather stop eating M&Ms altogether than dip my fork in the dressing first.
Now, I’ve been on my share of crash diets. I’m not going to pretend I’ve never worried obsessively about my weight. But here’s what I’ve learned: crash diets make me miserable. Dressing on the side makes me miserable.
Eating an entire bag of M&Ms? Also makes me miserable.
That last one is surprising, huh? But it’s true: eating an entire bag of M&Ms makes me feel bloated and sluggish. Plus, by the end of the bag, the chocolate doesn’t taste as good as it did at the beginning. So, I combat all this crazy with more crazy: I don’t eat the yellow, brown or orange M&Ms.
So, I’ve developed some weird food rules over the years. They’re completely insane but they allow me to eat what I want and still feel good about myself. I live my life with my dressing lightly and thoroughly tossed with my salad.
But absolutely no croutons.
They’re just too crunchy.
I find this post disturbing. I'm extremely disappointed that you would discriminate against perfectly good M&Ms. What would happen if you were suddenly blind? You wouldn't get to eat M&Ms ever again. And what about Yellow Starburst? Those are the best with all their lemony goodness. I don't like banana Laffy Taffy so we're OK there. As for dressing on the side. What if the dressing is gross? You can stop a catastrophe before it happens. Just dip your fork in it once to taste it and THEN slop it all on. There's nothing worse than cheap ranch dressing. But I'm with you on the croutons. What a waste of space and they get crumbs all over my salad.
We'll make a great eating pair. I'd be happy to eat the M&Ms you discard, and all the croutons.
I don't eat peas. And I'm very attracted to orange food. Like Cheese Its (and orange capsicum).
You have to let the croutons soak up the dressing and get softer — eat them last, like the salad dessert. As for those M&m's — I'd take those poor colors off your hands if necessary. Any m&m I good — in moderation, of course.
Ok I get the crouton thing since they are basically fried bread – who needs the calories. I always eat a couple because they are good but try not to eat a full bowl – even WITH milk! As for the dressing thing, I think 'on the side' is still the better way to go but just pour the amount on your salad that you need to 'feel good about the yourself and the salad'. I agree about the fork thing – it feels like you are being deprived, but just pouring on a couple of teaspoons of goop instead of a half of a cup makes sense. Also at home I buy that 'spray on' dressing for my wife and she loves it because it lightly coats a lot of salad without a lot of calories. That spray stuff works for hair so why not salad!! W.C.C.
A few things:
1) I am sad about the crutons. I make some amazing crutons (not fried) and could eat them as a snack.
2) I have read that without enough fat, certain vitamins in greens cannot be absorbed into the body. The dressing is necessary, so you are one step ahead of the game
3) Please send all of the Halloween colored M & Ms to me. I will not discriminate.
I was reading this, scrolling through it all speed-reading-like. And when I realized you weren't including anything about the most important news ever to be held secret, and it really WAS just about salad dressing and m&ms…i gotta say, i was a little sad.
UNLESS! this was a DECOY post, and the post is actually telling us the news, but it's a complicated cryptographic message that we have to decode! I'm off to try to decode it!
ok, yeah…it's not a decoy post. I'M DYING OVER HERE. ME+SUSPENSE = DEATH.
I have to agree with Alison. All discarded chocolate should be sent directly to me. I do not discriminate.
Also? Croutons are unnecesary.
Well now Bill has me wondering and rereading this post for a secret gender message.
I don't do dressing on the side either and always make tacos with turkey meat.
You're a nut job, but in the best way.
I don't eat cookie crusts either.
I prefer the middle. Of everything. Middle of a sandwich, a cookie, a taco, whatever – the middle is the BEST bite.
I'm totally with you in the dressing, but I love croutons. Love them.
I do have a weird food rule though. I have to eat things in pairs, or I feel off balance. Two m&ms. Two pretzels. Two grapes. You get the idea.
I will not eat restaurant croutons or purchased croutons. Those croutons are nasty shit! If I make them myself (which I do because I am cheap and hate to waste leftover bread), I will eat them. And that kind is delicious. So I'm weird, too.
Wait. A. Minute. People dip their salad INTO the dressing. Really?
I don't believe it.
My best friend refuses to eat or drink anything blue. She says it's not natural. I mean, that's true, but how much is she missing out on, you know?
Now here's what I have to say about the salad thing — when we go to MacAlister's Deli, I always get the salad/sandwich combo. I always get the dressing on the side. Why? They always shortchange you on dressing if it's ON the salad, and I like to dip my sandwich in it….so if I get it on the side, I get extra for my sandwich.
I also used to pull out the meat from stir frys and eat it second.
So I totally get weird food rules.
Throwing out M&Ms? I need a few minutes to go and process this…Let me go eat some chocolate and come back when I've gotten over this information.
I'm with Kim. My brain cannot process the idea of throwing out M&M's… But, I do know what you mean about feeling ill after eating a whole bag. Not that I would ever do that.
We have a good friend who will not eat spherical foods. Really. M&M's are fine, though, because, while round-ish, they aren't a sphere.
Can you guess what other food rule Craig breaks?
I'll give you one chance.
I don't get the dressing on the side thing either. What's worse?? You'd be shocked at how many people I've served that get a salad with NO dressing. That I just can't understand.
I could not agree more!! I dress my salads! Always!!! I also *gasp* butter my bread!
I do not, however, eat chips with sandwiches and never order my own french fries (I just pick off the kids' plates). I also refuse all desserts not involving chocolate — just not worth the calories to me. We all have our weird food tricks, I'm convinced. Some of us are just willing to admit it!!
haha I am just enjoying reading everyone's comments and their strange food “rules” too. I always get dressing on the side because I don't trust the restaurant to do it right. Usually they drown the salad and then it's ruined. Once I get the dressing, I put it on the salad and toss it myself. anal, I know.
I have a friend who doesn't like pizza. He is a very sad little man. He also cannot handle ANY condiments on his sandwiches at all – as in, please Mr. Subway worker don't slice his sandwich with that knife because it might have touched mayo at some point. sheesh.
and where is today's REAL post? just asking, cuz I know that's what everyone's thinking. . .
I don't eat orange M & M's either. Gross.
Yeah…thats weird, ahem,special. But really…who isnt weird, ahem, special? LOL.
I agree about the croutons, salad dressing, tacos and m&ms. To a degree. I eat the red m&ms first. Like they are different or something. and the tacos? I only like ground chicken tacos. The beef just tastes so fatty.
Oh and another one I have – gotta eat a pizza slice like a NYer. Folded in half. I hate when people eat it the other way…flat. Dont know why.
I like a lot of greens…and then I like them to float in my dressing. Yes, I said float. Pour it on, baby!
My husband is anti-crouton too. Which works out well for me, because I get to eat all his croutons for him, and I love them!
i always assumed that the reason people got “dressing on the side” was so that they could control how much dressing they poured on their greens… *sigh* what a hick i am.
i avoid ground beef whenever possible too, but to me chocolate is chocolate and chocolate is wonderful as long as it comes straight from the package. (as in, not having been in anybody else's hands before i get to it…)
Everyone has their own food oddities. We are allowed, dammit!
–You are not weird..Just Unique
Croutons are awesome, but have all the carbs, so you're on the right track.
About the yellow candy…ummmmm. Interesting.
I love croutons. And I definitely prefer my dressing on the side.
I refuse to eat the burned ends of french fries. Well, really, if a fry has a burned end I just don't eat any of it at all.
We're usually pretty aligned on food, but this one I feel a bit of disconnect. Yes, the end of a bag of M&Ms does not even come close to the beginning. I've tried coming up with different ways to eat them. Biting off the shells first, or never biting at any point, just letting it dissolve. I may need to try your rule.
However, the dressing on the side and crouton thing I cannot get behind. I do pour the dressing on the salad once it arrives, but I never trust restaurants to give me the right balance. and croutons are amazing.
I'm with you on the little fork tine dots of salad dressing, but only because salad dressing, be it in clumps or on tines, is repulsive to me.
However, M&M's shall be consumed in all colors, all the time.
I can't eat yellow, orange or brown M&M's either. And the colors that I do eat? Have to be done equally. I can't have the amount of red exceed the blue or green. It has to be even. I'm weird.
I do not discriminate when it comes to M&Ms as they are all fabulous. I will not however, eat anything of a white creamy cream of something consistency.
Well crap.
Seriously.
Now I want some M&M's and some Ranch.
Not together though.
I'm with you on the dressing not on the side. It's bad enough I'm eating a salad, I'm not going to make it worse by leaving it neglected, sad and tasteless!
Mmmm…M&Ms. But, you're right. By the end of the bag I feel horrible.
I'll take your leftover M&Ms and your croutons. You can have my, um…I don't know. How about I just take your stuff.
I usually get dressing on the side – to prevent that glop of dressing you mentioned and control exactly how much and where I want my dressing. However, I usually end up pouring it all on.
I love croutons!!!! I shall eat yours!
Dressing on the side reminds of “when Harry Met Sally” and annoys me, it' so restrictive and I hate that.
I will any color M&M since I'll never eat the whole bag.
You make giggle and totally make my day.
You are strange and wonderful.
That is all.
TEAM CROUTON!!!
I cannot stand restaurants that just automatically put the dressing on the side. Or those that don't toss the dressing with the salad.
I eat a LOT of salad. If I make the salad myself at home, it's made in a large bowl – and I put the dressing on it, put another bowl over the top, and shake until the dressing is all over everything. I do the same for a salad given to me in a to-go container or from a salad bar.
But, I need croutons – the lettuce has to supply some crunch, along with peppers or cucumber . . . but the super-duper-crunch of a crouton is perfection to me. Especially a crouton that has no small amount of bleu cheese dressing dripping from it.
Not too long ago, I was talking about salad with Smells Like Borscht – how there are salads that just have a little bit of oil, maybe some vinegar, but they work because there is no lettuce. The only reason we need lettuce in a salad is because it is such a great conduit for dressing.
Now, regarding your weird food rules, what happens if you don't start your day with a bagel with cream cheese? Do you get the shakes?
I'm guilty of the dressing on the side or sauce on the side, because sometimes the restaurants will plaster the dressing/sauce where you don't even recognize what you're eating.
But wow… neat ummm interesting…. different take on food. I'm picturing you tossing out those particular M&M's.
We could talk forever, girl.
I just need to use my kids old divided food compartment trays from long ago.
That would make everything fine
xo
gabile sohbet