Today, I am standing up in a wedding. So my dear friend Liz from A Belle, A Bean and a Chicago Dog has volunteered to entertain all of you today.
If you know Liz, and haven’t seen her around that’s because she’s made the brave leap to WordPress. Follow her at A Belle, A Bean and A Chicago Dog. (Yes, I AM just going to keep plugging her site.)
Liz has two adorable girls, sews with degenerates and loves food almost as much as I do. She even gets to go to Memphis in May for BBQ.
Also, she’s taller than her husband. Need I say more? Please read and love Liz from A Belle, A Bean and A Chicago Dog
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I’m so honored and thrilled to be posting in the Insane Asylum today! I absolutely adore KLZ! She’s smart, witty & sarcastic – 3 of the greatest gifts a girl could ever hope to receive!
Another thing about KLZ is that she’s a lover of lists, and I have a perfect one to share with you guys.
Before I get started, I need to insert my disclaimer: The following list may not apply. If your husband isn’t really anal, with girly tendencies, traveling with him may be an easy-breezy, simple and enjoyable experience for you.
But for me it isn’t. Nope. No way.
Here’s why…
1. My husband implements a strategy for packing our bags. Not just, “What needs to go in the carry-on, honey?” but for every.single.thing we are taking with us. I seem incapable of packing, according to him, because I don’t naturally ball up underpants and jam them inside my shoes in order to save a centimeter of space. I don’t think of clever ways to use the cups of my bras to nestle travel-size bottles of shampoo. It doesn’t cross my mind to shove pantiliners in the pockets of my 4 year old’s shorts.
Silly me, right?
Maybe because he has triple the beauty products that I do, those miniscule amounts of square footage seem vital.
2. My husband asks me 57 times a day, for the week leading up to our departure, what time we’re planning on getting in the car and what time I’m waking the girls up that morning. I’m not sure if it’s for his own OCD needs or if he feels badgering me to the point of ripping my own hair out is the best way to insure I’m aware of travel times.
3. And that brings me nicely to my next point. How often am I ever late? Doesn’t he know I have gotten myself and two kids ready every single day, on my own, since they were born? And tell me how often I ever forget something they need!
Planning for a vacation is something we moms start doing weeks in advance. We hit the Target Dollar Bins for some new toys, load up on snacks, and grab a few favorite DVDs. We lay out clothes, count diapers and make sure lovies make the cut in the – apparently – highly-coveted suitcase square footage competition. We moms have got it down to a science, so QUIT MESSING WITH US!
4. My husband’s apparently never heard the saying, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!” I’ve been telling him for years that it doesn’t do any of us any good if he burns through Mommy’s Bag O’ Tricks in the first 32 seconds of our trip. If the girls are happily scribbling on their Magna Doodles, let them! If they are content watching their current Backyardigans DVD, why turn to them and tell them you’ll start something new?
Once the bag of tricks is used up, we’re all screwed, buddy. So keep your trap shut and wait until they ask what else it is we have for them.
5. For some reason, my husband thinks it’s wise to frantically ask me, when we’re ten minutes INTO our trip, if I have everything we need. He goes through a roll call of sorts, even bringing up things that no sane person would ever take along. I assure him we have what we need, and then point out that if he was this concerned I’d thought of everything, it would have been helpful if he had asked, maybe, BEFORE we left the house!
6. Given the past 5 points, you’d think that with all his micro-management, he’d continue be right on top of things for the remainder of our travels. But, in fact, the exact opposite is true. As soon as we hit the airport, it’s like he’s never before met these little people, a.k.a. his children.
Me: Can you hand me the wipes?
Him — Where are they?
Me: In the same pocket of the diaper bag where I’ve kept them for the past 4.5 years.
Me: Grab me that bag of goldfish, please.
Him — Who are you going to give them to?
Me: Kate and Maddie.
Him — Do they even like goldfish?
Him — Is this jacket ours?
Him — Do these shoes belong to us?
Him — What time do they go to nap?
Me: Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!
So there you have it. Traveling with my husband is more aggravating, more trying and more exhausting than traveling with my 2 kids. Give me airport tantrums, in-flight diaper changes and lack-of-sleep-induced meltdowns any day.
I’d gladly take them.
PS Liz – it’s the Ginka House of Madness. The insane are quite particular about our monikers. Also for those of you interested you can find a few very brief words I wrote at The Stroller Ballet today.
Thanks for the plugs! And thanks for letting my know about the Ginka House of Madness. Could you come up with a longer name?
Liz, I'd never go anywhere ever again. Seriously. We've got a couple of vacations set up next month and in July; can I borrow so he can come pack for me?
KLZ – Have fun at the wedding!
Love. LOVE! MacGyver is a horrible packer. He brings ten times what any human person should ever realistically need. And you should see his laundry bag when he returns. High to the larious!
Hope you have a blast at the wedding.
I already love her, now I can love her twice: once there, and again here.
Have a great time! We'll miss you.
You must be talking about my husband! He seriously uses organizing containers in his suitcase. He even said “they'll be impressed with how nicely I packed.” They who?! Nobody cares how nicely you packed. He is nuts.
PS KLZ, hope the wedding is super awesome. LOVE YOU!@!!!!!!***!!!
HILARIOUS!!!! Liz, you are my hero. Although I must admit that balling up my underwear and stowing it in my socks in an old trick of mine. Except not when traveling. Just on a daily basis.
Hahahahaha! That's like traveling with my dad. Thankfully my husband is not like that.
OH! My husband does the same “roll call” thing! Drives me crazy!!!
Ryan has never suggested any new and inventive packing techniques, but other than that I think we are married to the same man.
You are so right. Once the bag of tricks is empty, we are all screwed!
I am actually flying with the girls and my sister {no OCD husband} for Memorial Day Weekend so I'll let you know which is easier in a few weeks!
I love Liz's blog, thanks for having her!
Love this list! My husband always waits until we're too far to go back to do the “essentials roll call.”
It makes me nuts!
Glad to know I'm not alone. Is the balling up of socks and putting them in shoes a genetic thing?
I feel your pain, Sister.
My Hubs is always in a state of panic when we travel.