Now, clearly I'm in BlogLove with her. She lives in Texas. Which we all know makes me completely enamored - I have yet to meet a Texan I do not like. What more do I need to say?
Oh, that wasn't enough convincing for some of you?
How about this: her family has a fart machine. She has advice on birth plans that actually makes sense. Need advice on kid friendly activities? She's your girl.
Really, she's all mom and all awesome.
After you read her awesome post below, go over to Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip.
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Don't Mess with Texas
Now, if you asked my husband, he would tell you that I love Texas. That I adore Texas. That now that I’ve been here for ten years, I can no longer claim to be a city-girl since I use the phrase y’all on a regular basis and because my blood runs thick with BBQ sauce.
He’s probably right.
Although I miss Chicago (the city in which I grew up), I would never choose to move back there. It is extremely hip and fabulous, but wearing three sets of long johns while trudging through brown and yellow snow half the year is not my idea of good times.
Meanwhile, I do love Texas. I’ve made so many wonderful friends here, I can’t imagine living anyplace else. At the same time, I don’t want to offend any native Texans, but there are some things about Texas that are hilarious to those of us who hail from up north.
For starters, until I had moved to Texas I had never witnessed a pick-up truck that was endowed with testicles.
I know. I’ve lived quite the sheltered life.
Anyway, two weeks after my arrival in Dallas, I pulled into a parking lot behind a truck that appeared to have a mean pair of huevos swinging in the breeze. I couldn’t help myself. I parked my car nearby and crept over to check it out. Sure enough. This truck was packin’.
Next, I was walking on the forest path near my home when I noticed a man carrying a chicken in front of me. At first I thought it was a duck (which would be understandable as there is a pond nearby), but since I am a major snoop I sidled up to him and discovered that it was indeed a REAL LIVE CHICKEN. Now, mind you, this path is a four-mile loop. Once you begin, you have to finish it. So this man had been carrying said chicken for several miles.
“Um …what are you doing with that chicken?” I asked, trying to sound casual.
“Taking it home,” he replied.
“Are you going to … uh … eat it?”
“Probably not.”
“Okay. Well, what do you think it was doing down here on the forest path?”
“Not sure. But the poor thing was getting beat down by a bunch of rogue ducks, so I saved its life.”
Random wandering chickens getting assaulted by overly macho ducks? Definitely never saw that in Chicago.
While out to dinner the other night, I noticed that a Beef Jerky Outlet had sprung up next to our Cici’s Pizza. Do people really eat that much beef jerky that an entire outlet is necessary? I couldn’t help myself so Googled beef jerky outlets only to find out that:
“Beef jerky has been a staple in the American Diet for over 100 years. Beef Snacks are the fastest growing segment of the Snack Food Industry as consumers realize it’s low-fat, low sugar, and has high protein nutritional value.”
Well then. Please pass the beef stick. I have been converted.
A few weeks ago, we went to Fort Worth to visit the Museum of Science and History. But we had trouble getting a parking space because the highly acclaimed Gun Show was in town right across the street and people were coming out in droves wearing full camo, wielding large weapons, and bringing along throngs of excited small children for all the festivities.
While driving home, we spotted a pair of cows being bathed in an outdoor car wash. Then we passed a BBQ joint with a sign that said, “Get Yo Fingir-Licken Rib Tips Here.” And then on the line below, “Jesus Is Comeing. Please Save Us All.”
Now that you've gotten a taste of her awesomeness, go over to Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip to read more.
21 comments:
I'm a midwest girl living outside Chicago, so those things would make no sense to me either! The cows in the car wash? Whoa!
Okay, first of all I came over from Cool Whip & am your newest follower. I love Naomi's post (no surprise there). I am from Louisiana, but I'm now living in Kansas. "Ya'll" has been all but eliminated from my vocabulary over the last 6 years...so sad.
And I can honestly say the idea of beef jerky makes me nauseous, but my Hubs LOVES it.
And BBQ? We're all about that here, too, and the best place ever (Anthony Bourdain rated it in his top 10) is actually located in a gas station, if you can believe it. Gotta love it.
LMAO Cows in a car wash. Sounds like something you'd see in South Georgia... :) And car testicles? Yep. We've got those, too.
I have a number of friends from Texas, but the subject of car testicles has never come up. Naomi, you are, as always, a fount of information. You're the best, Texas!
I hope Naomi checks out the comments here! I, too, never saw a ball sac on a truck until moving to the South. And the trucks with them typically are the ones jacked up with loud mufflers and ginormous tires, too.
Hey Naomi - how about the bumper stickers that read, "Git Er Dun!"
YeeHaw! I grew up in a little town next door to a little town with ranches and cowboys and horses and it was very "country". So I get a lot of what you are talking about!
I am from MN so I am sure I would be surprised as well!!
Hey, have fun at the wedding!!
Haha! I have a friend in TX who saw a guy on a horse trying to go through the drive through window at McDs!
And thank you to sweet KLZ for hosting me. You know I adore you. XOXOXOX
Thanks sweet bloggy buddies, for all your comments!! I'm making Fried Snickers for all y'all!!
But, but, but - I thought I was your best friend!!
That's it, no bracelet for you.
Instead I shall send you a bread dough modeled balls sac to hang round your neck for when you go cruising with the locals.
Newfoundland is just as bad. I personally love the people that kill a moose then drive around for a couple days with it on their car to show everyone what a big moose they got.
And we have deep fried mars bars here. Though I must admit I've never tried one - also haven't eaten seal flipper but I did try cod tongues once, didn't like em.
I still think where you live sound better than where I live! And I forgive you if I'm not your bestest best buddy cause I gotta admit, since you introduced me to her last week I'm kinda jonesing on Kristin.
I am so glad I stopped by today. I thought I had seen and heard it all, but, cows in a car wash??? LMAO. CLASSIC!
Thanks for stopping by my place!
I am so glad I stopped by today. I thought I had seen and heard it all, but, cows in a car wash??? LMAO. CLASSIC!
Thanks for stopping by my place!
I am so glad I stopped by today. I thought I had seen and heard it all, but, cows in a car wash??? LMAO. CLASSIC!
Thanks for stopping by my place!
Naomi I am wondering how you have witnessed so many strange sights in Texas and I have never seen anything near as strange in my six years here. Clearly I need to get out more :-)
Brilliant post - I wonder where the chicken ended up!
We moved South about 5 years ago after living in the DC Metro area for 15 years. My husband and I are from the Midwest and the South, so we're kinda used to the oddities around here, but our KIDS! They can't get over all the new sights, food, attitude and then the ever-lovin' accents! Oh, it's been an eye-opening fun five years! : )
wow... sometimes i think i go through life in a fog... naomi, you're so observant, no wonder you're so full of deep insights! i may be a little slow, but i sure get a kick out of reading what you see!
I'm an Oregonian who WANTS to add y'all to my vocab. Deparately. It's just fun to say.
But I can't. I'd look and sound like a total idiot. Well, actually, now that I think about it...I already do!
I have no idea what a beef jerky is! On the other hand, we see lots of people carrying chicken here. But not to rescue them, I don't think.
You had me at rogue ducks.
As someone who went to high school in the Big T and whose family still is firmly entrenched in the bluebonnets, I can confirm the state's affinity for Trucks, Beef, Guns and Jesus.
Now did I read something about fried snickers? Pass some on over.
You had me at rogue ducks.
As someone who went to high school in the Big T and whose family is still firmly entrenched in the bluebonnets, I can confirm the state's affinity for Trucks, Beef, Guns and Jesus.
Now did I read something about fried snickers? Pass some on over!
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