It has recently come to my attention that despite my preparation for The Hunger Games, if there should be a cause for us to flee, more likely than not the boys and I will endure a grisly death.
So that there is a documentation of the last few moments of our lives, I’ve decided to act it out for you. Naturally, it is written as a monologue. Feel free to use it at your next audition if necessary.
Oh God, Oh God, ok, we’ve got to go. Let’s go. Let’s go.
No, no, we can’t have chocolate milk right now, please get in the car. Move along, move along. Ok, no, please go faster. What do you mean you need to change your shirt? No, that shirt is not wet. No it’s not. No, it’s not.
No, you shirt is not wet. No, it fits you just fine. Please get in the car.
No, get in the car and STAY in the car. Yes, I realize that you cleverly got in and then immediately jumped back out. Yes, I see that you are now standing in the door of the car and refusing to move. No, please do not eat that candy from the floor. You know what, today, go ahead and eat it off the floor, just go ahead and get in your carseat. I’m getting frustrated because you are not listening to me, now get in the car.
Don’t cry. Don’t throw a fit. Please not now. Why? Because there is a catastrophe coming. What’s a catastrophe? It’s like a disaster. What’s a disaster? Uh…please get in your seat, I don’t want to scare you.
Absolutely NOT! You cannot drive the car! GET in your SEAT!
Why are you screaming?? I didn’t even tell you what a disaster was! Oh, oh, you’re scared of that fly on your seat? Ok, let’s roll down the window so the fly can get out. Ok, now you can get in your seat.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for getting in your seat. I’ll just put Evan in his car seat and…whew!
Ok, ok, now we can go. Come on, come garage door, open up.
Wait, where are your shoes?
What do you mean you peed?
Crap, we may as well just stay here. At least we won’t have to deal with those maniacs out there trying to avoid the catastrophe? What’s a catastrophe? Nothing, there’s no catastrophe. I’m just going to…pull out of the driveway now that we’re all in the car…why are you screaming?? Because of the fly again? I’ll roll down the ….
::CRASH::
We run into the mailbox at the end of the driveway. That’s what’ll get us. The mailbox will take us down while I’m distracted by flies.
